Update from the depths of silence


Hello strangers, at least that should be what it seems like.  I am not promising resurrection of this blog site by showing up and writing. I have been there and done that with the best of intentions. Rather, I just need to write given where I am in life.

When I stopped writing for this blog several years ago now, I felt my last articles were repeating things I said before, so I let this slide.  I am now graduating into a new place in life and it is scary.  I do have things to say, stories to tell, words to give voice. Yet, honestly, I have a major project to complete this year, a doctoral dissertation for a Doctor of Counseling degree program. So I will be writing, but not personal or reflective or any other such element.

This year I anticipate God will be moving to build upon what he established in me. I see the coming year ahead to be one of growth.  Yet, as I write this, I know my mother lies dying. I hate this fact.  I hate seeing the look of death, it is horrid. Much different than the look of life I have observed in women about to give birth, a look where life is brimming and expansive. No, the look of death is the withdrawal of life, and awful constriction and fading of the spirit. My mother is soon to shed the mortal coil. She will not get to witness, in this life, the growth that is to come, with the hopes and dreams and accomplishments yet to occur.  She will not be physically there. Yet, she played a large role in the man I am today and the people I reach out to help. But today, I grieve. In that grief, I have come speaking out of the nether regions of silence that this place has become. I have no idea who will read this, friends, families, strangers. Yet, know God has his perfect timing in all these things. I am facing a time of mourning. A time to weep as my mother faces her time to die. I have no words to ponder or reflect on as I face this pain.  I am essentially giving voice into the expanse pronouncing my pain and grief. My mom is dying and it hurts!

5 Responses

  1. I have been there. My mom passed away almost 4 years ago. If she still can communicate, or hear you tell her all the things that you want to say. Leave nothing unsaid. This is a journey that you are on. Your path may look different than mine. Spend time with her, as much as you can. Yes I know that it is hard to see your mom in that state. I read one time that grief is just all the love that you have that has no where to go. I suspect that you are using this as jounalling. That is good. Have a journal that are letters to your mom. May God comfort you in this time.

  2. My mom has been in a state of decay for a while, but her mind has been gone since last summer. Yesterday, I saw the death, she is moving on. And yes, this in part is a journal of sorts, at any rate casting my voice out there for all who would hear.

  3. Hi Tim, it’s been — well, more than a few years… I spotted a notice about this post in my largely neglected G-Mail and decided to drop in. I am deeply sorry to hear about your Mother and your grief. I hope and pray that the Lord carry you in this season.

  4. Meg,
    It is good to here from you. Just an FYI for you, Craig had a stroke a couple years ago. His website on his writing is here: https://author-craig-hansen.com. His dad just died recently. I have often wondered how you and your husband are doing. I will certainly update your email address.

  5. You’re in my prayers, Tim…

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