Personal Musing: Renewing voice out of silence.

Yes, I have been silent.  Silent for far to long.  I know there are others in other places who have gone quieter of late.  The question really is where is this silent coming from. Am I shrinking back, am I resting, or have I been simply stuck.   Perhaps it is looking at the tasks ahead, the responsibilities, the difficulties and losing perspective. Perhaps there is some needed rest to take on what lies ahead.  For what is ahead in not easy.  There are more responsibilities ahead.  There is need to buckle down and proceed ahead.  The question though is really have I gone from a point of resting to build up and move ahead to the disengagement of sleep.  There will be blog articles soon musing on rest, sleep, and slumber.  But as for me right now, today, where am I.  I am not where I meant to be.  I had many plans of what I was going to do.  I was going to get started on book writing. I was going to get private practice from being in a holding pattern to sewing seeds toward moving forward.  Now, in all this pulling back, there has been some forward movement. My client load at the clinic picked up strength and near a full load.  Another question is am I walking in faith and under God’s authority in His Kingdom, or am I letting others have authority. 

I need to dwell more on what it means when I go silent.  For there is no shortage of words could have written and it is a loss that certain things I had in mind, such as musing on love over Valentines day did not happen. And that is not write.  So why am I shrinking back.  I could say I am just being at rest, but in retrospect what may have started with rest may have progressed to the point of slumber. I need to write and explore those areas more.  The other is what responsibility means to me.  There is a lot of reluctance with me tied to responsiblity.  There is too much not getting to things until it is necessary. There are many other things.  

So the point is, if I have reached a point of slumber, of that is which is beyond helpful and necessary to that which impedes, then I need to wake up, rise up, and go forward. For the times we are in call for us to be alert, sound, and engaged. Please forgive me for the disengagement.  While I can justify it with many things related to life, it is not following what God has asked of me.  And I think God is making me aware that If I don’t follow through with the things he sets before me, I can miss out and will weep over what could have been.  So how about the rest of you?  Anyone shrink back, pull back, go silent, go from rest to sleep or slumber?  For no matter where we are, God is there to give us what we  need.  I feel lack of strength, lack of motivation.  I feel like I am near a point of taking on too much or even pulling myself in multiple directions. But for what God calls me to, there will be enough, it is all in His time, if I follow. If I lag, or falter, or hold back I can miss. And if I react out of self even doing what I think what God wants but of own accord, it will cost me dearly.  At any rate, here are the tasks I need to commit to.  Please do drop me emails, pm’s or words to see progress. Here is one thing I know, it is helpful to set measurable objectives and review progress.  Treatment plans in counseling are all about measurable objectives.  Things can move forward toward. 

1.  Renew daily time in God’s word and prayer.

2.  Blog at least once per week.

3.  Spend time on private practice website at least once a week until finished.

4. Get started writing project by working at least once per week.

Things I need to complete within the next week are taxes and liability insurance.

At any rate, the time has come to wake up, renew voice, and start moving, a bit at a time.  Please check on me and see where I am and how I am doing. As one of the big things that is true, is that I know I need to support and encouragement of others.  As much as God has me stepping into messes and being concerned for others, he has not made me or anyone else capable to so doing without others around us.  Also please let me know how I can support you, be it here, be it in email, be it at a forum, be it in person at church. Please let me know what I can do.

4 Responses

  1. Great to hear from you! May the wisdom of God indwell in you mightily as you go forward!

    God bless!

  2. Just read your post and will be praying for you.
    A question, are you grieving? Janie’s loss for your Dad, for you? Kris’ vision? What other “pains” are you experiencing or not experiencing?
    I know when my Mom was I’ll and died there was a pulling back period. Actually, I don’t know if I’ve ever fully engaged” life” as it was since. Of course you know that there has been more stress and pain since.
    A good question you have asked is why do we pull back? Is it fear, pain?
    Be careful not to judge yourself on what you do or don’t do. I have listened to a few sermon’s lately that might be encouraging.
    Blessed Self Forgetfulness:

    Here is a link to a lot of sermons but the one I listened to was praying our tears.

    Has some of my “pulling back” been sinful? Yes. But there is Jesus, who died for this reason. Has some of the pulling back been needed, yes. There is a time for everything under the sun as Ecclesiasties tells us. Did not Jesus pull away to recharge with His Father.


  3. Ah, Mary, those are all the questions. It is examing my own behavior. Is pulling back needed rest or has it gone beyond. Has it become a time of holding back of self. Is it not having the ability and strength to work through and break through barriers on own. Is it self, or is it turning to God. What is behind the behavior per say. This all gets into rest, sleep, and slumber and so on.

  4. Hey Tim, I think Mary has a point. Grieving brings depression, and you’ve been through a lot. I’ve been having a hard time as well, important things started, but now stalled beyond my control, and I too am sleeping too much and not getting things done… I feel just numb, that and frustrated and depressed. I guess that doesn’t help much… Sorry.

    I hope you can pull out of it all. Soon it will be spring way up where you’re at, and spring is a time for new beginnings. God bless you deeply, Tim.

    In Christ, Meg

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